Whiskey Lullaby
by yo-doctor-death
Summary: This is a fanfic about Elliot getting shot, and how Olivia deals with it. Please rate and review :)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Everyone had left for the day, except for Liv, Stabler, and Cragen. Elliot was standing by his desk talking to Liv and laughing with her, when a shot rang out and a bullet pierced his skull, killing him instantly. Cragen came running out of his office just as another bullet was fired, lodging itself into Liv's upper thigh.

When Olivia woke up, she was in a hospital bed, but instead of Elliot being next to her it was Cragen. All of a sudden, the memories flooded her. Stabler being shot, his blood pooling on the floor around him, then her being shot in the leg. She began to cry, and Cragen held her hand and wiped away the tears as they flowed down her soft tan cheeks.

A few weeks later Olivia was in her apartment with Cragen, who hadn't left her side since the shooting. He brought her a glass of ice water, setting it on the coffee table. Liv looked up at him and a tear escaped her eye.

"Captain, I don't think I'm ready to come back to the 1-6 yet."

"I understand Liv."

"No, I don't think you do. I loved Elliot."

"I know."

"No, I mean, I loved that man for ten years, without ever telling him. Do you know how much that hurts?"

"Liv, just come back when you are ready. Your job will always be there for you."

Cragen left her apartment and she curled up into a ball on the couch and slept, holding a picture of Elliot close to her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

When she woke up the next morning, the sun was shining through the curtains in her kitchen and she had to blink to focus. She rolled off the couch and sat on the floor for a bit, until the doorbell buzzed and she went to the intercom.

"Who's there?"

"Munch and Fin. Can we come up Liv?"

"Yeah. Sure, come on up." She buzzed them in and waited for them to come in the door. As they came in she draped the blanket around her shoulders and walked into the kitchen to make coffee for them.

"Hey Liv" Fin had always called her that, ever since he had gotten the job at SVU. He walked over and hugged her, pulling her close to his chest. "Are you doin' ok?"

Munch scoffed and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Fin, let her talk on her own time."

Liv half smiled. "It's okay, Munch, I can talk."

She didn't really want to, but she knew that it would help her get over things. In all honesty she would really rather talk to Cragen. He had always been like a father to her, and she respected and loved him.

Munch looked over at her and gave her a half hearted smile and set his coffee cup on the end table near the chair he was occupying. Standing up he brushed invisible lint off of his coat and suit pants, and gave Liv a hug before leaving.

"Are you going too, Fin?"

"Nah, brought my own car, we just happened to get here at the same time."

"Oh, okay. How are you?"

"Come one, Liv. We both know you don't wanna have a normal conversation. I'll be going now, see you at the 1-6 I guess." He walked out of the apartment and Olivia began to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Walking into the 1-6 two days later, Liv heard an unfamiliar voice. It was young, a bit cocky, and frankly, quite annoying. She looked at Cragen and he shrugged a grimace on his face.

"Olivia, can you come here a minute?" He walked into his office and waited for her to sit down before closing the door.

"What's wrong, Cap?"

He pulled out a CD and handed it to Olivia. "Elliot gave this to me a while back and said that if anything ever happened to him, to give it to you. Now, I want you to go home and listen to it, and come back to work tomorrow."

"Okay." She choked back the tears that were ebbing at the edge of her eyes.

She walked into her apartment and ran to the stereo that Elliot had bought her, popping in the CD. It had only one song on it. As it began to play, she heard the lyrics to one of her favorite songs.

_"A bright sunrise will contradict the heavy fog that weighs you down  
In spite of all the funeral songs, the birds will make their joyful sounds  
You'll wonder why the Earth still moves.  
You'll wonder how you'll carry on.  
But you'll be okay on that first day when I'm gone"_

Olivia began to sob, falling on to the chair next to the stereo and cradling her knees next to her chest. She continued to listen as the song finished playing, and to her surprise, wasn't crying as the piano stopped playing and the song ended.

She began to think of all the times her and Elliot had been through. Chasing that perp through a crowd at the bus station, Elliot cradling her when he had cut her neck, all the time Elliot Stabler had gotten pissed off at her, only to come back and apologize. She felt a single tear escape her eye, and smiled. She knew that Elliot wouldn't want her to live this way. He would want her out there, busting the chops of another perp.

The sun was fading behind the skyline of Manhattan, and she decided that tomorrow, she would return to work as normal as she could, meet her new partner, and catch another perp. Tonight, however, she was going to get a good night sleep, and went to her bedroom and fell asleep on the all too unfamiliar mattress.


	4. Chapter 4

Fin and Munch greeted Olivia on the base floor of the 1-6. She smiled a genuine smile and pushed the barely visible up arrow on the elevator. Stepping into the elevator she had butterflies in her stomach and nearly stepped back out and went home, but thought better of it and stayed planted in between the oddest couple SVU has ever seen.

_*DING*_

The elevator opened to reveal Cragen and the rest of the SVU squad cheering as Olivia stepped out into the dimly lit room. They all came up and hugged her, patting her back before stepping away to let the next person up. After all the ruckus was over, she went and sat at her old desk and looked across at the barren one in front of her.

She looked away quickly, but not before the tears came. Running into Cragen's office she buried her face in one of the pillows on his couch. It was about five minutes before she noticed him standing there rubbing her back.

"Liv, I'm so sorry. We should have moved his desk away, or moved yours. I didn't mean for there to be -" Liv cut him off

"I'm fine. Now I am going to go out there with a happy face and continue my day as usual."

He shrugged, knowing she wouldn't listen to any of his protests. Shortly after she had left his office a call came in about a rape.

"Cragen." He answered. After a short conversation between the two people on the phone, he opened his office door and called Olivia and Fin into the room.

"Liv, Fin, Elliot's wife Kathy just called. Maureen has been raped."


	5. Chapter 5

"What?!" Olivia gaped at him. Could this really be happening? A month after her father dies, she gets raped. This couldn't be true. "You're joking Captain. This isn't happening."

"This isn't a joke, Liv. I'm being serious. Now get going." He opened the door and ushered them out.

The two ran to the elevator and hit the down button, Olivia tapping her foot impatiently. As the doors open she rushed inside, almost knocking Lake over.

"Sorry, Lake. Didn't see you there."

"It's okay."

He barely got in the words before the elevator closed and sent Fin and Liv to the base floor where they ran to the car and Liv put it in drive. Speeding down the street, she began to think about how, if Elliot were still here, she would be sitting in Fin's spot, and El would be driving.

She smiled at the thought of finally driving while having another detective in the car, then remembered why they were in the car in the first place and snapped out of it. She hit the brakes as an eighteen wheeler pulled out from behind a restaurant and barely missed hitting him.

"Whoa, Liv. You okay?"

"Yeah, fine. You okay?"

"Just swell. Let's get goin'"

Liv pulled away from the big rig and began to go to Elliot's house. She cringed at the thought that Elliot wouldn't be there, and flashbacks of him and Maureen playing soccer went through her mind, and the road became a blur.

"OLIVIA!"

She had barely heard the words before a deafening crash resonated off of the surrounding walls.


	6. Chapter 6

Fin woke up first. He looked over at the driver's seat and saw that it was empty, and began looking for Olivia. He unbuckled his seat belt and shoved the passenger door open. Limping around to the front of the car he saw Liv lying on the concrete motionless.

Rushing over to her, he pulled out the walkie talkie and called for a bus. He checked for a pulse and, upon finding one, proceeded to roll her over and make sure her airways were completely open.

She groaned and her hand moved to her head, revealing a huge gash running along her arm. Fin grabbed his shirt and put pressure on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Her eyes fluttered open and she mumbled something, but he couldn't make out exactly what she said before she passed out again.

The ambulance pulled up a few minutes later, and paramedics rushed to her side pushing Fin out of the way. They carefully laid Olivia on a stretcher and placed her in the ambulance, hooking tubes and monitors up to her. Fin protested when they wouldn't let him ride in the ambulance, but they just closed the doors and drove away.

Speeding down the street to Mercy hospital, Olivia's arm was still bleeding pretty badly and paramedics were trying to get it to stop. Her blood pressure was low, and she needed fluids. She also needed surgery on her abdomen to stop the internal bleeding. Stopping at a busy intersection, a loud beep began to resonate on the walls of the ambulance.

Olivia's heart had stopped beating.


	7. Chapter 7

Initiating CPR, the paramedic in the back of the ambulance began to panic. He went through protocol and applied an oxygen mask and did chest compressions. He breathed heavily when the heart monitor began to beep regularly again, and they pulled into the hospital's emergency entrance.

Wheeling her in, the paramedics kept an eye on her heart monitor. It had been beating regularly, but they didn't want to take any chances. Rushing her into an operating room, the doctors began to work on her internal bleeding. Twice during surgery she began to crash, but the doctors were able to stabilize her and keep her alive.

After the bleeding stopped they sewed her up and put her in a room by herself. Fin and Cragen sat in her room until she woke up a few hours later.

She had to blink a few times before she could focus on anything, and when she did focus, she didn't know where or what time it was. Cragen walked over to the edge of her bed and touched her hand.

"Liv, you okay?"

"Wh-where am I?"

Fin stepped up. "Liv, you're in the hospital. We were in a wreck and you flew through the windshield. They had to perform surgery to stop some internal bleeding."

She looked around the room and focused a bit on her surroundings. She saw the sterile white walls and the harsh fluorescent lights glaring down on her face. Looking up at Cragen, she could see the worry on his face.

"Captain, what's going on?"

"Kathy called back just before the accident. Maureen wasn't really raped. She lied to get you out of the 1-6 and into the line of the drunk driver."

"Kathy wouldn't do that, would she, Cap?" Fin looked just as surprised as Liv did.

"No, Kathy honestly believed that Maureen had been raped. This was all a set up by Maureen."

Upon finishing his sentence, Cragen walked out of the room and into the hallway. Going to the nurse's desk, he asked when Olivia could be discharged. The lady looked at him and pulled out her file.

"Olivia Benson is not available for discharge for 3 weeks, anytime before then and her and the baby are at risk."

Cragen's jaw hit the floor. "The _what_?"


	8. Chapter 8

"Captain, I can explain."

Olivia felt awful for not telling Cragen, but she hadn't figured on getting into a wreck and being hospitalized. After Elliot and Kathy had broken up, Elliot came to Olivia and asked her out on a date. Thinking it was harmless she had agreed, but before she knew it they were in a serious committed relationship and she was pregnant.

"Whose baby is it, Olivia?" He looked disappointed, and she couldn't look him in the eye.

"It's... Uhm... Elliot's." She looked away to avoid eye contact.

Cragen just shook his head and walked out of the room. Olivia felt the tears pool and fall down her cheek and looked out the window of the room they had moved her to. It was less sterile than the last one, with a nice view of the city's skyline. Grabbing the television remote, she flicked on the TV and put on some country music.

_"Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on?_

_Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?"_

She lost herself in the song and began to fall asleep. Cragen was looking through the one way glass and when she had nodded off he entered the room, sitting by her bed.

"Liv, I know you were going to tell me at some point. I'm not mad at you; just surprised you didn't come and talk to me. Please don't be angry with me. You are like a daughter to me, and if anything ever happened to you I don't know what I would do with myself. Liv... From the first day you walked into the 1-6, I knew you were going to spit fire and bust perps like nobody's business. And for that, you will always have a special place in my heart. I love you."

Olivia was breathing softly in her sleep and Cragen lay down on the window seat and watched her sleep, and eventually nodded off himself. All was right in his world, even if Liv wasn't really his daughter. He still loved her as if she were.


	9. Chapter 9

***6 days earlier, at Elliot's funeral***

Olivia was sitting next to Cragen, a tissue wadded up in her hand. Cragen had his arm around her shoulders, and she was resting her head in the crook of his neck, tears falling down her cheeks. The preacher was up in the pulpit giving a sermon about strength and courage, but Olivia wasn't listening.

Her mind was back with him at the apartment. Snuggling on the couch watching scary movies, hiding her face in his shoulder when the bad guy popped out and killed someone else. She had always felt safe around him, and now those walls of safety were lying in the casket at the front of the church.

Three months ago, Kathy had thrown Elliot out, and he had come to Olivia's apartment at midnight asking to sleep on the couch for one night. Two weeks later they were sharing a bed and he had moved all of his things into her apartment. They had known each other's feelings about the other for a long time, and now they could finally express them.

Olivia was snapped out of her trance when Cragen shifted his wait and the song she had picked out for Elliot's funeral began to play. She tuned in to the song during the chorus.

_"Did you ever know that you're my hero?_

_And everything I would like to be..._

_I can fly higher than an eagle,_

_Cause you are the wind beneath my wings."_

Tears began to flow continuously as the soft velvet voice continued the song. As the song ended and the next song began, the pall-bearers began to rise and make their way to the mahogany casket at the front of the church.

_"You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains_

_You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas..."_

Olivia stared as Elliot's casket passed by her and Cragen, her eyes getting clouded with tears again. She stood and followed it as did all of the other attendees. Walking to her car, Cragen grabbed the keys from her hand and got into the driver's seat of the black Mustang. Olivia sat in the passenger's seat and looked at the back of the hearse carrying away the love of her life.

At the cemetery, the preacher spoke a few more words and then began to lower the casket into the ground. Olivia fell to the ground in tears as the casket disappeared into the soil. Cragen grabbed her around the midsection and picked her up, hugging her tightly into his chest.

Carrying her back to the car, he placed her in the passenger seat and drove to her apartment. Following her inside, he sat on the couch as she robotically walked to her bedroom and closed the door.

Drifting off to sleep, Cragen heard the stereo begin to play the track from the CD Elliot had given him to give to Olivia.


	10. Chapter 10

***Back in the hospital room, 2 weeks later***

Olivia woke up with the sun streaming in the window of her hospital room. She blinked a few times and sat up in the bed and looked over at Cragen who had fallen asleep in the window. She smiled and pushed the covers off and walked over to where they had put her clothes and headed to the bathroom to change.

When she came out of the bathroom, Cragen had woken up and moved to the chair on the other side of the room, coffee in hand.

"Mornin' sunshine." Liv was pouring on the sarcasm. She was so happy she could finally go home to her apartment.

He grumbled something that sounded like "Good morning" and sipped his coffee. She laughed and walked to the coffee pot in the corner of her room, pouring herself a cup and drinking a bit.

"What are you going to do after you get out, Liv?"

"Well, I'm going to work as long as I can, then take maternity leave I guess."

She dreaded having to leave SVU, even if it was only for 2-3 months. Everyone at the 1-6 was so caring; it was almost like they were family. Cragen was the all knowing dad to all of the SVU employees, and each coworker like brothers and sisters.

"You can come back to the precinct day after tomorrow. Go home and get settled, relax a bit." Cragen groaned as he stood up. His back was stiff after sleeping in the window seat for 12 hours. "I'll drive you home. Meet you downstairs."

After Cragen walked out of the room, Olivia packed up what little items she had had with her when the accident happened; her badge, wallet, fearlessness necklace, and a promise ring Elliot had given her. Throwing the knapsack over her shoulder she headed to the elevator to meet Cragen downstairs.

Punching the button impatiently, she looked around and saw a stairwell. She thought she'd just take the stairs, considering she was just two floors up. Opening the door, she descended down the steps. Arriving at the landing, she heard footsteps behind her. Before she could turn around someone hit her in the back of the head.

As she hit the ground, she heard a woman's voice.

"You should have just left him alone."


	11. Chapter 11

Opening her eyes, Olivia looked around the room and blinked a few times trying to regain her focus. The walls were a dingy white, lit by an equally dingy ceiling light. Trying to move, she discovered that her hands were tied behind her back and her feet were tied together. She rolled her eyes, a bit annoyed.

She heard footsteps approach the door and then the bolt slide out of the lock. An average height blonde woman walked in. She was wearing a gray jacket and black leather boots that came up to her knee.

"Hello Olivia. I don't think we've ever met... But we'll get to names later."

She walked to an area that Olivia couldn't see and began rustling through a box.

"What are you doing?" Olivia strained not to sound angry, and thought she had succeeded.

"Just showing you the pain you have caused others." The woman walked up behind her and Olivia heard the buzz of a taser just before it shocked her.

The room went dark and Olivia felt her head fall. The woman laughed and began charging the taser up again. Olivia began wriggling her hands as the woman walked around in front of her. She felt the rope slip off but held it in place to make the woman think she was still tied up.

As the woman approached her with the taser Olivia grabbed the sides of the chair and swung it around hitting her over the head and knocking her down. She stepped on the woman's wrist and grabbed the taser out of her hand.

When Olivia reached for her gun that usually stayed holstered to her hip the woman laughed.

"You really haven't adjusted to not working have you?"

Olivia charged the taser, but before tasing the woman, she leaned in close and whispered in her ear.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Dani... Dani Beck. I was Elliot's partner while you were... Away." She said the last word through gritted teeth.

Olivia became so angry she kicked Dani in the side.

"How dare you say his name!" She kicked harder and harder until Dani quit screaming. She made sure Dani was still breathing before tying her up and running out of the room.

She made her way through the labyrinth of hallways and finally outside, where she ran down the street to the 1-6. Cragen was in his office and when she saw him, she began to cry and ran to him. Cragen held her and rubbed her back, trying to calm her down.

"Liv, what the hell happened?"

"It was Dani Beck. I was walking down the stairs when she attacked me from behind and took me to some warehouse and... And..." She sobbed into Cragens shoulder.

"Shh, Liv it's okay."

He rubbed her back and smoothed her hair until she stopped crying some time later.


	12. Chapter 12

Walking into her apartment, Liv threw her bag on the couch and walked into her bedroom. Looking around at the bare tan walls, she imagined all the pictures of her and Elliot that could have lined them if he hadn't been murdered. She felt tears well up in her eyes and quickly moved on to the next thing she wanted to do.

Picking up her bag, she exited the apartment and walked to the Home Depot a few blocks down the street. She half walked half jogged to the paint section and began to look at samples of different shades of red and pink. Picking a deep red she took the swatch to the counter and purchased a couple gallons, along with brushes and rollers.

Taking her purchase back to her apartment, she pushed all of the furniture in her bedroom to the center and covered it with plastic. Pouring some paint into a tray and getting some on her paint roller, she began to cover the walls in the new bright color.

Finishing some hours later, she looked around the room with a wide smile on her face. She liked the pop of color her room now had, and decided she might paint the rest of her apartment. But what colors would she use?

She decided on a chocolate brown for the living area, semi-dark beige for the kitchen, and sky blue for the bathroom. It took the entire weekend to paint and clean up, but in the end it was worth it.

She had brought something new into her life that, without Elliot, she never would have. Without knowing the gender of her baby, she didn't paint the nursery, but instead left it the off-white it was when she moved in.

Cragen came by on Monday, and looked around the apartment.

"It looks nice Liv. I love the color."

"Thanks Don."

"I just came by to let you know that Beck was found late last night."

She examined the look on his face. His brow was furrowed and his eyes were dark.

"Yes?"

"She's dead."


	13. Chapter 13

***3 months later***

A five month pregnant Olivia walked into the 1-6 carrying a cup holder with four coffees. Getting on the elevator, she pushed the button and went up to the squad room. She set the holder on her desk and pulled a decaf out, giving it to Munch.

"Here John. Decaf, no cream." She smiled at Munch's shocked expression and walked back to the cups.

Grabbing another coffee, she handed it to Fin. Another cup went to Cragen. She kept the last one for herself. Right after she had passed out the coffees, Cassidy walked in.

"Oh Cassidy, I'm so sorry. Here," she handed him her coffee, "I'll go run and get me another. I totally forgot about you when I ordered the coffees." She smiled and grabbed her jacket and had just reached the elevator when Cassidy walked up beside her.

"Mind if I ride along?"

"Uhm, I guess not. It's just a coffee run, Brian. Seriously, you don't have to come."

"I want to." He smiled and looked down at her.

He noticed that she had cut her hair since Elliot's funeral. It was short now, cut just below her chin in layers. Her skin was a bit tanner than the last time he had seen her, and he kind of liked it. She turned her head and caught him looking at her.

"Yes?"

"Oh, sorry. My mind was just trying to wrap itself around you."

"Excuse me?"

"How beautiful you are."

She rolled her eyes as the door opened to the elevator and she stepped in, followed by Cassidy. They stood in silence as the elevator went down to the lobby of the precinct. Stepping out onto the street, they walked to the squad car and got in, Olivia in the driver's side and Cassidy in the passenger seat.

He kept looking at her and smiling like a fool. She ignored him and drove to the coffee shop and got in the drive-thru lane. She ordered a decaf coffee with no cream and put it in her cup holder after paying the cashier. Cassidy looked at her hands and smiled with how delicate they looked.

They drove back to the precinct and Cassidy locked them in the car.

"Look," he placed his hand gently under her chin and turned her head towards his self, "I don't want you to have to raise a baby by yourself. You need help -" Olivia rolled her eyes ad looked out the window past him, "Please listen to me."

When she wouldn't turn her eyes back to him, he did the only other thing that came to his mind.

He placed his other hand on the side of her face and kissed her.


	14. Chapter 14

She pulled away from him slowly, still in a trance. Blinking twice she looked at him. He was looking back at her with soft eyes that were full of love. She had mixed feelings about him. Yes there was a love there somewhere, but what kind she didn't know. There was also a little bit of disgust of herself because she felt like she was betraying Elliot. Then there was happiness, because she was so scared to raise a baby on her own, and now he had come to the rescue.

Getting out of the car she ran up to the precinct doors and into Cragen's office. Slamming the door she slumped down with her back against the wall. She places a hand on her forehead and begins to sob.

"Liv?" Cragen looked up from his desk.

She looks up suddenly, jumping from the sound of his voice.

"Sorry Cap, didn't know you were in here."

She wipes the tears from her face and stands up. Straightening her black tank top, she pulls her coat over her shoulders.

"What's wrong, Liv?"

"Nothing, nothing." She begins to open the door.

"Liv, I know you. I know something happened. Was it Cassidy?"

At the mention of his name, she slides down the wall, landing in a heap of tears and clothing. Cragen rushes to her side, cradling her in his arms like a father.

"He...k-kiss..." She can barely choke the words out in between racking sobs.

"What?" He leans her back against the wall and marches out of his office.

Walking to the precinct doors, he grabs Cassidy by the collar and slams him against the wall.

"Don't you EVER touch her again!"

"B-but" Cassidy's words are cut off.

"You haven't been here long enough to know what she's like. She is extremely loyal, and what you just did – NOT OKAY" He is screaming now.

"Look, I just wanted to be there for her, since Elliot went and got himself shot!"

At this Cragen's face turns red. He huffs a few times and then his heart starts to pound in his ears.

"Don't you EVER say a bad word about Stabler!"

All that could be heard was the sick crack of Cragen's fist hitting Cassidy's face.


	15. Chapter 15

Olivia was sitting on the little sofa in Cragen's office when he walked in the door, red-faced and sweaty. He rubs the back of his neck and sits down in his chair, throwing his head back.

"You okay Cap?"

"Yeah. Uh, Cassidy quit, so you need to find a new partner."

She nods and exits the dark office. Going to Cassidy's desk, she clears his things off and puts the box in his locker. She begins to move her stuff back to their original positions, but instead of the picture of her mother, she places the picture of Elliot on the right hand corner. A tear falls down her face, but only one. Cragen comes out of his office.

"Liv, you got a call at Mercy; victim in the ER."

She nods and grabs the keys to the cruiser, heading out to the elevator. She steps in and hits the lobby button, sending the elevator down. Suddenly, her mind flashes back to the elevator at the hospital, a couple years back.

_*** "You know, we've been partners all these years, and I don't even know your blood type."_

**_He had chuckled, _**_"A-positive."_

_"Well how 'bout that, me too."_

**_They stepped inside the elevator._**

_"I'd give you a kidney."_

**_She looked up at him, _**_"Not if I gave you mine first."***_

The elevator doors opened and she wiped the stray tears off of her face. She walks across the lobby and gets into the blue cruiser, driving to Mercy. She pulls up to the parking garage attendant and flashes her badge. He raises the gate and lets her in, and she parks in the first available space.

Entering the elevator, she punches the button for the ER. Walking into the chaotic room, she flashes her badge to the nurse in charge and gets waved away to a room with a teenager in it. After asking all of the standard questions, she hands the girl her card and walks back to the elevator shaking with rage.

She gets to her cruiser, and is shaking so badly she can't get the key in the lock. A tong hand reaches and folds itself around her own, steadying her hand and unlocking the car with ease. She whirls around and looks up into silvery blue eyes. A single tear escape her eye as she backs up into the car.

"El?!"


End file.
